“Jack Watts specializes in writing on the subject of spiritual abuse by evangelical leaders. His recent post following the latest NRB [National Religious Broadcasters] convention is a crystal clear description of how such purportedly humble and committed Christian leaders are allowed to run roughshod over those they employ. These paragraphs are starkly accurate.”

Self-Deprecating Narcissism among Christian Leaders

“The concept of “self-deprecating narcissism” may seem like an oxymoron, but I can assure you, it is not. It does, however, require defining. As a caveat, let me acknowledge that not all of the stars of electric Christianity have this character flaw, but a substantial number do. There are a few exceptions — precious few.

Like others who have a narcissistic personality disorder, the lords of the electric church are self-centered but, unlike their secular counterparts, the leaders of the electric church are never outwardly boastful. People may be forgiving of narcissism in movie stars, beauty queens and exceptional athletes, but certainly not of Christian leaders. This is where they differ from the classic model of narcissism. Because Christ was humble, these leaders are expected to behave similarly. Outwardly, they do, especially by the message they convey to their followers. Their demeanor is always that of a humble servant, eager to follow God’s will. They have taken self-deprecating humility and made it an art form, cleverly masking their compulsive craving for attention, approbation and admiration.

Many who recognize their behavior for what it is believe these leaders are conning their followers, but that’s not accurate. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. A con knows what he or she is doing but chooses to do it anyway, despite the harm it causes. The electronic lords genuinely believe that what they are doing is right, which makes them far more dangerous. In their minds, they have a higher calling than others — a closer relationship with God — making whatever they do seem justifiable to them.

If someone gets in their way, especially someone employed by them, that person is perceived as thwarting God’s will and fully deserving of the retribution they receive from the narcissistic leader. Because these leaders genuinely believe themselves to be better than others, they insist that each of their employees fall in line, regardless of how outrageous or bizarre the superstar’s demands become.

To make matters worse, nearly all of the electronic lords are hypersensitive to criticism. For insulation from disapproval, the lords surround themselves with weak-willed sycophants who wouldn’t dream of disagreeing with them. Instead, these non-entities consistently validate perceptions and behavior that deviate substantially from biblical standards. Within ministries like these, which dominate the electric church, there are two sets of rules: those for the narcissist and those for everyone else.

Within these ministries, a tacit “no-talk” rule is maintained, which keeps the eccentricities of the leader a secret from the rest of the world. And this rule is aggressively enforced. Whenever an underling balks, that person is shamed, castigated and humiliated, while — at the same time — being told that their “bad attitude” is being prayed for. If that doesn’t shame the person into submission, the verbal abuse is intensified and the person is eventually terminated. Wounded, the discarded person often abandons his or her beliefs, while blaming God for what happened, saying, “God should have done something to stop it.”

Undeterred by hurting others in the process of building God’s Kingdom on Earth, which just happens to be their kingdom as well, these narcissists regularly take advantage of others, routinely abusing those they are “called to serve.” Reasoning that the ends justify the means, they use God’s name to wound others. Whenever someone gets in their way, they misuse God’s authority to enforce their will, which certainly takes His name in vain. Believing that they have a higher calling, the evangelical lords are certain that God condones their behavior and methods, which the sycophants who surround them eagerly affirm.

The emotional carnage of wrecked lives left behind by these narcissists has become so extensive that it threatens to outnumber those blessed by their ministry efforts. At the same time, few are willing to call them to task, exposing their behavior to the light, reasoning that such whistle blowing would harm God’s work.

Obviously, I disagree with that conclusion and have no problem exposing them. In my quarter century of working for Christian ministries, I have witnessed the shattering of many lives, which has led me to write about this subject extensively. It’s a role I will continue to pursue.”

(from Jack Watts, “Self-Deprecating Narcissists,” Emphasis added.)

During the past month or so I have been asked the following question on multiple occasions,

The leaders in my church are getting ready to sign an agreement that would officially join our church to a larger organization which would act as an overseer and provide accountability to the leaders of our church. However, many of the members in our church do not think this is a wise or prudent decision, but we, as members, have no say in what is ultimately decided. The leaders say they want to hear our opinion, thoughts, and perspective but in the final analysis what the members think has no real bearing because the very agreement the leaders intend to sign states that while the members can vote, their vote can be trumped by the leaders or by the larger organization. This organization has a history of well documented problems stemming from hierarchal leadership practices and overbearing authority and is also involved in a very serious class action lawsuit. I love the people in my church and prefer not to leave but at the same time am feeling such a caution in my spirit regarding the decision my leaders are about to make. What can I do as a member of my church?

There appears to be several problems at play which, taken together, have a compounding and exponential negative effect. Here are some observations and questions designed to promote insight and discovery regarding a wise and biblical resolution (remember the Bereans).

1. First, and most importantly, your leaders might be making the decision to join this organization but your congregation is enabling them to do so. If the majority of the congregation decided against joining the organization, I doubt the leaders would sign the document less they lose a significant number of the congregation. I believe scripture teaches that we are all accountable to one another. That includes leaders to the flock. Therefore, the church is ultimately responsible for what the leaders decide. Your silence is affirmation regarding their decision.
2. Why do the leaders have, what appears to be, unilateral and unaccountable authority to make decisions pertaining to matters that clearly affect the welfare and disposition of its members without the members having any measurable or effectual say regarding what is decided?
3. What type of church government or polity structure is in place that allows for this type of decision making process? Which polity does the governmental structure in your church resemble most …….Episcopal, Congregational, etc.?
4.  It sounds like there are significant issues regarding this organization that merit exploration, discussion, debate, and/or dialogue so that a responsible and wise decision can be determined. What is causing the rush? Is there a deadline? Considering the weighty issues, why is a deadline being imposed so rigidly?
5. Why does the accountability regarding your leaders go upward and outside of the church rather than toward the members? Can you support this principle biblically?
6. Are your leaders accountable to the congregation in any real or meaningful way? If not, why not? Is this a biblical principle?
7. What does it say about the value, priority, and care the leaders have for the members of the church when they disregard reasonable concerns of the people and, instead, bind them to an agreement they might not have faith to be bound by? Can you find examples of this type of leadership style in the bible? What does it mean to “lord over your faith”?
8. What appears to be more important to the leaders, being joined to the organization or genuinely considering the concerns of the flock?
9. Why would the leaders invite and encourage the members to share their opinion and even have the issue determined by a vote when, ultimately, the vote has no bearing on the outcome and can be trumped by the leaders in the church or leaders outside the church in the larger organization? Is there any evidence in the bible where leaders outside a church had effectual authority in decisions affecting a local, autonomous body of believers?
10. What benefit(s) does this organization provide to the church that would negate the uninformed acquiescence by those the agreement affects the most, the members of the church?
11. It appears from the description of problems/issues noted in the organization the church may be unnecessarily vulnerable to liability. Why would the leaders risk putting the church in “harm’s way” rather than having their primary concern be the protection of the members?
12. Is the church obligated to give financially to the organization? If so, do the people have a say in the financial aspects of this arrangement. Do you believe you are accountable as to how your money is spent? For example, will any portion of your or the church’s money be used to fund the class action lawsuit?
13. It appears that desire for membership in the organization outweighs the desire to maintain unity in the church. Is this the case? If so, why?
14. Can you appeal to your leaders for them to provide an open forum and dialog in the interest of transparency, providing an opportunity for the people to be better informed? If not, why?
15. It appears from the scenario provided above that the leaders and the organization might struggle with a desire or need to be in control. What would this organization’s history indicate in this regard? Does the bible indicate that leaders are to control or domineer over members of the body of Christ? Who is the head of the church? Are there any intermediaries between the head of the church and the members?
16. Do you have an idea what the bible has to say about various key components in the scenario above? This would likely include a study on authority in the church, authority of leaders, what constitutes “lording over” one’s faith, how did the churches in the New Testament go about making decisions, do the scriptures indicate the church was typically involved in decisions and other weighty matters? If so, why don’t your leaders follow the example of scripture? What do their actions demonstrate regarding their values as they pertain to the church? What appears to be most important to them and why?
17. Do you believe what your leaders say about this matter is more important than what they do? Is there a passage in scripture that speaks to this question?
18. What disposition/demeanor did the leaders in the New Testament demonstrate toward those they led? How do the scriptures characterize their leadership? Did they “pull rank”, prove domineering over others, or lord over people’s faith? If not, why didn’t they? After all they were apostles and examples of leadership set forth in scripture for others to emulate. It seems if anyone had a right or authority to do so, it would be the leaders in scripture.
19. Do you believe, as a member of your church, it is possible to abdicate your responsibility as a viable member of your local body, and by doing so enable your leaders to lead in an unbiblical manner? If so, what behavior on your part would cause this to happen?
20. Do you believe, as a member of your church, you have any responsibility for what your church does or does not do? If so, how is your responsibility regarding the actions of your church manifested in a practical way?
21. Do you believe the admonition in scripture to “obey and submit to your leaders” is unconditional or conditional? Can you give examples commensurate with what you believe?
22. Do you believe the body of Christ, represented by the collective membership of your church, has any responsibility or authority whatsoever, in any of its affairs? Can you defend your position biblically?
23. Have you considered how many people in your church would leave if your leaders decided to NOT to join this organization, as compared with how many would leave if they did decide to join?
24. Are you prepared to make a concerted effort to study the scripture regarding these matters and act corresponding to the convictions you form as a result?

Food for thought

“If there are clear New Testament patterns regarding some aspects of church government, then there will be negative consequences in our churches if we disregard them, even if we cannot foresee all of those consequences at the present time.” – Wayne Grudem

Some of the worst havoc wrought to the Christian faith has been a direct result of unscriptural forms of church structure. Only a few centuries after the apostles’ death, for example, Christian churches began to assimilate both Roman and Jewish concepts of status, power, and priesthood. As a result, church government was clericalized and sacralized. Under Christ’s name an elaborately structured institution emerged that corrupted the simple, family structure of the apostolic churches, robbed God’s people of their lofty position and ministry in Christ, and exchanged Christ’s supremacy over His people for the supremacy of the institutional church — Alexander Strauch

The Church does not need brilliant personalities but faithful servants of Jesus and the brethren. Not in the former but in the latter is the lack. The Church will place its confidence only in the simple servant of the Word of Jesus Christ because it knows that then it will be guided, not according to human wisdom and human conceit, but by the Word of the Good Shepherd. — Dietrich Bonhoeffer

“The elder has authority; he is called to exercise a shepherd’s oversight. Christ the Chief Shepherd (1 Peter 5:4) has called him to exercise a shepherd’s care. But the undershepherd is not a stand-in for the Lord. He presents the word of the Lord, not his own decree; he enforces the revealed will of the Lord, not his own wishes. For that reason, any undermining of the authority of Scripture turns church government into spiritual tyranny. If church governors add to or subtract from the word of God, they make themselves lords over the consciences of others.”    — Ed Clowney

The congregation has real authority. It is also true that the Bible presents the local congregation as having the final say in matters of dispute, doctrine, discipline, and membership. The congregation exercises this authority for the maintenance of the Body’s health and for the accountability of the elders. — 9marks.org, Mark Dever

That, under Christ and his word, the final court of appeal in the local church in deciding matters of disagreement is the congregation itself. (This is implied, first, in the fact that the leaders are not to lead by coercion, but by persuasion and free consent [1 Peter 5:3]; second, in the fact that elders may be censured [1 Tim. 5:19]; and third, in the fact that in Matthew 18:15-20 the church is the final court of appeal in matters of discipline). — John Piper

Paul is writing not only to the Galatian elders. He’s writing to the whole church. And he’s saying that the church is responsible to evaluate the teaching that comes from the pulpit. They are not to passively accept anything that comes out of the preacher’s mouth, but are to hold it up to the light of Christ and test it by His Word. And if the teaching fails the test, the whole church is responsible to quit listening to the teacher – even if that teacher is an apostle like Paul himself. — 9marks.org, Mark Dever

In the face of increasing dependence on strong leadership in Christian circles, evangelicals who value the legitimate role of biblical submission and headship, must reaffirm the freedom which characterizes the new life in Christ. We must resist any teaching that brings into question Christ’s role as the sole mediator (go-between) between God and man. We must reassert that no Christian is ever called upon to give unquestioning obedience to anyone. We ultimately must accept only the lordship of Christ. — Dr. Ronald Enroth

“Of all work done under the sun religious work should be the most open to examination. There is positively no place in the church for sleight of hand or double talk. Everything done by the churches should be completely above suspicion. The true church will have nothing to hide.”  — A.W. Tozer, “Of God and Men.”

“The true church is the repository of the life of God among men, and if in one place the frail vessels fail, that life will break out somewhere else. Of this we may be sure. A local church can die. The Church cannot die.” –  A.W. Tozer , “Man: The Dwelling Place of God.”

The first sign of an abusive group is that it is authoritarian. When it comes right down to it, control is more important than personal spiritual welfare. Leaders in an authoritarian system are not teachable. The attitude, like that of the Pharisees, is that they are the teachers and rulers of God’s people, not their servants. They may say they are teachable, but then set up rules which you must follow to approach them. Then they interpret those rules to rule you out of order. The former members of one particular group described to the author how their leader used this method to avoid accountability. He kept pointing out how their “heart is not right” in the way they brought issues to him. — David Henke

Whereas Christians are encouraged to support and submit to spiritual leadership (Hebrews 13:17), such encouragement must not be considered a blank check if churches are responsible for and have the authority to discipline false teachers and to recognize an antecedent commitment not to a pastor but to the truth of the Gospel. — D.A. Carson

“It was the community as a whole that selected these men and presented them to the apostles for their approbation; it was the apostles that appointed them to their office” –  F.F.Bruce

“The twelve did not impose a solution on the church, however, but gathered all the disciples together in order to share the problem with them”’. “In this incident we discover the wisdom of strong pastoral leadership and appropriate congregational involvement. Even the apostles recognized that it was proper to involve the congregation in vital decision-making that would effect the life and ministry of the church”  –  John Stott

“Lording it over the flock provokes church fights and splits. A domineering spirit in elders provokes mature men of strong minds and independent judgment to leave the church. These very ones would have the greatest potential for future leadership in the assembly.
 Dictatorial measures make lesser men craven and dependent, stunting their true growth. But it also has its harmful effects on the “lords over God’s heritage.” It makes them egotistical and self serving.” — Pastor Walter J. Chantry

Just a quick note to let everyone know in the D.C./metro area, Bob Dixon from www.SymboulosMinistries.org  will be in Gaithersburg, Maryland Saturday March 2^nd to meet with anyone who would like help understanding and processing several key components related to recent events in SGM, and the subsequent disillusionment, confusion, and emotional pain experienced by many current and former members. Three primary questions will be considered and will serve as a catalyst for further discussion:

1) What happened?

2) Why did it happen?

3) How do I keep it from happening again?

Bob would also like to offer a special invitation to former or current pastors of SGM who are interested in discussing and processing the above questions, as he believes it is of particular importance that pastors have a deep understanding and corresponding empathy regarding those who may be struggling with varying degrees of emotional, psychological, and spiritual trauma.

Please contact Bob at bob@symboulosministries.org to schedule an appointment. I look forward to meeting with my brothers and sisters in the Lord!

P.S.  ….. If you look closely at the Home page, one will notice that Symboulos Ministries recently received its official 501 (C)(3) charitable organization certification from the IRS. The corresponding EIN # is noted accordingly. Thank you for whatever financial gift you can contribute. More importantly, please continue to pray for healing to occur in the hearts, minds, and spirit of those we have the privilege to counsel.

May God bless you and keep you! Remember, He is faithful !

Bob Dixon, MA Professional Counseling

Symboulos Ministries

One of the services noted in the list found under the Counseling Services tab at Symboulos Ministries is “Exit Counseling”. This type of counseling is utilized most regarding the majority of people who contact me. They typically find themselves in an abusive spiritual situation and want to get out of one, or they have already removed themselves from the abuse but have many questions regarding what happened to them and why. Jack Watts (2011) in his book, Recovering From Religious Abuse: 11 Steps to Spiritual Freedom, provides a concise and helpful definition of what typically constitutes Religious Abuse:

Religious abuse is the mistreatment of a person by someone in a position of spiritual authority, resulting in the diminishing of that person’s sense of well-being and growth — both spiritually and emotionally. This spiritual authority is used to manipulate others for personal gain or to achieve a personal agenda, thereby harming that person’s walk with God. It can also be defined as any misuse of Scripture that harms a person’s relationship with God — like the damage resulting from cult involvement (p. 2).

Typically, the counseling model applied with those who experience this type of abuse is referred to as Exit Counseling, which is similar to but distinguished from Cult Deprogramming. Michael Langone (1993), in his book entitled, Recovery From Cults: Help for Victims of Psychological and Spiritual Abuse, offers the following explanation noting the distinction between the two:

Exit Counseling is a voluntary, intensive, time-limited, contractual educational counseling process that emphasizes the respectful sharing of information with members of exploitatively manipulative groups, commonly called cults. Exit counseling is distinguished from deprogramming, which received much media coverage in the late 1970’s and 1980’s, in that the former is a voluntary process, whereas the latter is currently associated with a temporary restraint of the cultist (p. 155).

Often concerned family members initiate the initial call for help regarding a loved one involved in an abusive organization. These family members play an important role in facilitating the abused individual to seek help or meet with a counselor. Exit counseling is primarily an educational process whereby the counselor provides information to the abused individual he or she would not otherwise be exposed to. The goal in counseling is to facilitate a process where the abused individual’s judgment is restored and their self efficacy (their ability to choose) is increased. The aim of this approach is to empower the individual to exit the abusive organization based on their own volition. In keeping with this idea, Langone (1993) states the following, “The ultimate goal of exit counseling is to restore cultist’s individual judgment and enhance informed self-determination; the goal is not to pressure them to leave their group. This approach can be called information-focused exit counseling” (p. 156).

In biblical terms, information-focused exit counseling is similar to the hope and promise of Scripture’s assurance, “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32) English Standard Version (ESV).   Indeed, I have witnessed the power of this simple truth prevail in the lives of many who previously were crippled by profound spiritual abuse, manipulation, and/or coercion.

I hope those reading this Newsletter, who may be currently suffering from spiritual abuse, or have a family member affected by abuse, might know there continues to be powerful hope, encouragement, and liberty in God’s word, the Bible. Please do not hesitate to contact us by going to the contact page at Symboulos Ministries. We are here to help.

God bless,

                Bob Dixon

References

Holy Bible. (2001). English standard version, Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles.

Langone, M. (1993). Recovery from cults: Help for victims of psychological and spiritual abuse. New York: W. W. Norton & Company Inc.

Watts, J. (2011). Recovering from religious abuse: 11 steps to spiritual freedom. New York, New York: Howard Books.

Anyway, it looks like I’ll be in the Gaithersburg area on Saturday, December 8^th for the purpose of meeting with those who would be interested in participating in a local Support Group in the Gaithersburg area. The goal is to put together 1-2 groups with about 8 in each group. The purpose of the Support Group is to help individuals process some of the thoughts, feelings, and issues many have experienced during the past 2-3 years regarding major upheavals in our church experience, particularly as it relates to matters of disillusionment, anger, frustration, depression, and anxiety. The groups are intended to provide individuals a safe place to process these issues, renew our minds, and heal.

I firmly believe it is possible, by God’s grace and the gifts and abilities represented in the body of Christ, to facilitate healing, restoration, and change rather than remaining perpetually “stuck” in a spiritual and emotional quagmire.

Please contact me at bob@symboulosministries.org if you are interested in having a one on one meeting for about a half hour on Saturday Dec. 8^th to see if a support group might be helpful for you. Hope to hear from you soon. Remember, God is eager and able to bring healing and restoration to our lives as we bear one another’s burdens and endeavor to return to our first love, Jesus Christ.

On a different note, I wanted to pass on a new term I recently learned that captures the essence of how many individuals feel when processing various aspects of abuse. The term is themis and refers to how a victim of abuse feels when those in a position of authority, power, or responsibility fail to appropriately respond to, acknowledge, and/or express the indignation, shock, empathy, etc. commensurate with the abuse suffered by the victim. Themis is also referred to as a “betrayal trauma” and occurs when victims develop feelings of having been betrayed if they believe their parents, caregivers or community institutions, i.e. social services, legal system, church, etc. did not respond appropriately to the discovery/knowledge of their abuse.

Originally, the term was used to describe how many Viet Nam war veterans felt when returning stateside from the horrors of battle. Instead of soldiers receiving thanks and appreciation for their service to our country, which was reasonable to expect, they instead, often times encountered the opposite, i.e. jeers and protests from their peers, calling them “baby killers”, “murderers”, and spitting in their face. The feeling of disillusionment, dismay, betrayal, and anger experienced by soldiers who received these types of responses from those who were expected to express gratefulness and support, is referred to as themis.

Themis was later used to describe how victims of abuse felt when those in a positions of care and authority, who they expected to express appropriated grief and recourse regarding their abuse, instead expressed little to no degree of shock or concern commensurate with the level of abuse received by the victims. For example, a child who is sexually abused by an uncle, upon telling her parents, hears them say, “Oh, it’s not that big a deal. This kind of thing happens in many families. You’ll get over it”. One can imagine how a child might feel upon receiving such a response. It places the child in an untenable position, otherwise known as a double bind relationship. The child’s relationship with her parents now represents one where love, trust, and security continue to be needed and expected. Yet, at the same time, the child must protect herself from betrayal, harm, and further pain from those same parents due to their lack of appropriate response.  Those who the child relied on for protection, safety, and appropriate recourse in the event of abuse, instead show inadequate empathy or understanding. They simply expect the child to “get over it”. This state of psychological and emotional dissonance, and the feeling of betrayal, is referred to as themis.

The parallels regarding how individuals respond to physical and/or sexual abuse and those who experience spiritual abuse, particularly as it relates to those expected to show empathy and alarm, are striking. Anger, rage, depression, lack of trust, and feelings of having been violated and betrayed, etc., are common reactions/symptomology of all three forms of abuse and can be exacerbated or mediated by those in positions of perceived power and authority .

Victims of spiritual abuse experience themis, when those in positions of leadership fail to show empathy or provide appropriate recourse for those who have been spiritually abused. In essence, those who are expected to offer safety, protection, and recourse against abusive acts, instead, fail to respond with corresponding empathy or indignation toward the abused. What compounds this problem is when those in positions of spiritual authority (pastors, leaders) are the very individuals propagating the abuse. It is no wonder those who have been subject to various forms of abuse, particularly if they have not received appropriate empathy from those perceived as caregivers, often present with profound emotional, psychological, and spiritual dissonance. I am reminded of this same sentiment (themis) reflected in the heart of the psalmist:

For it is not an enemy who taunts me—
then I could bear it;
it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me—
then I could hide from him.
But it is you, a man, my equal,
my companion, my familiar friend.
We used to take sweet counsel together;
within God’s house we walked in the throng.  Psalm 55:12-14

The good news is, by the grace and power of Jesus Christ, it is possible to work through/process experiences of abuse and betrayal, and ultimately realize healing and restoration once again. Trust, safety, peace, and joy are possible as we come to the great Physician of our souls. He is our Healer and strong Deliverer, a very present help in times of trouble.

Behold, at that time I will deal
with all your oppressors.
And I will save the lame
and gather the outcast,
and I will change their shame into praise
and renown in all the earth.
At that time I will bring you in,
at the time when I gather you together;
for I will make you renowned and praised
among all the peoples of the earth,
when I restore your fortunes
before your eyes,” says the Lord.   Zephaniah 3:19, 20

“My philosophy and theoretical approach are biblically informed and experiential in application, which places emphasis on an interactive approach to individual counseling and focuses on the here-and-now. I believe the Holy Spirit is active and present during counseling sessions. Accordingly, I endeavor to be sensitive to and led by the Holy Spirit regarding all that takes place during a counseling session to include prayer, waiting, and exercising the various gifts of the Spirit as noted in Scripture.

While I always bring a plan to individual sessions, it is always subject to the leading of the Holy Spirit as reflected in the following verse, “A man plans his way but the Lord directs his steps”.

I use a variety of interventions in therapy, in an effort to discover what will work best for you. These interventions are likely to include prayer, dialogue, exploration & interpretation of meaning, solution-focused therapy, cognitive reframing, person-centered therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, reality therapy, awareness exercises, self-monitoring experiments, visualization, journal keeping, role playing, scripture memorization & meditation, and reading books.

In order to promote an environment that will facilitate open and honest communication, I strive to communicate acceptance and unconditional positive regard to my clients. In addition, I believe it is essential to facilitate the creation of a safe environment that will promote self-exploration, self-actualization, and increased self-awareness, particularly as it relates to self discovery, insight, and revelation as to biblical solutions to one’s problems/issues/concerns.

In conducting individual counseling sessions, I adhere to the American Counseling Association Code of Ethics, the National Board for Certified Counselors’ Code of Ethic, and the American Association of Christian Counselors Code of Ethics.”

If you would like to study a more in depth view regarding the Integration of Biblical and secular/counseling and psychology, you will find the following two books very informative.

Entwistle, D. N. (2004). Integrative approaches to psychology and Christianity. Eugene, OR: Wipf and Stock Publishers.

McMinn, M. R. (1996).  Psychology, theology, and spirituality in Christian counseling. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.

What is most interesting is the fact there is no mention of the word legalism in the book of Galatians whatsoever, or in the entire bible for that matter. Of course most believers have a general understanding as to what the term legalism means. Simply put, legalism is when an individual tries to gain or maintain the acceptance/pleasure of God by relying on their own effort (works of the flesh) rather than the finished work of Christ.

I thought it would be an informative and helpful exercise to note the biblical terms and phrases from the book of Galatians in an effort to enhance our understanding of what we have come to simply call legalism. I believe as we consider some of the biblical terminology referring to legalism, it will help sober us as to the gravity of its affects and the serious spiritual, emotional, and psychological implications accordingly.

I wonder if we have become overly familiar with the term (legalism) and anesthetized to the profound destructive nature and devastating implications reflected in the terminology Paul uses throughout Galatians, as he urgently warns God’s people of its perils. Consider his word choice and the passion in which he pleads with those who are turning toward a different gospel.

Brothers and sisters, the comments that follow have not been offered to sow fear in our hearts or unnerve us but rather to sober us, as to the grave danger of exposing oneself to any measure of this insidious leaven by which the Believer can be led astray, bewitched, and enslaved rather than thrive in the freedom and joy provided in the grace of Christ. I trust this short perusal and consideration of Galatians will help us maintain a sober disposition in our effort to resist legalism’s subtle, seductive lure to lead us back to slavery, rather than the grace and acceptance of Christ.

Consider the following words and phrases from Galatians 1 through 4:20 (in italics) used to describe what we often refer to as legalism. I pray it will whet your appetite to look at the remaining passages.

Chapter 1

• V. 6 – causes desertion from the true gospel and turning toward a different gospel
• V. 7 – causes trouble and distortion (distort) of the gospel of Christ
• V. 8 – let those who preached a different gospel (legalism) be accursed
• V. 9 – anyone who preaches a gospel contrary to the one you received (legalism), let him be accursed

Chapter 2

• V.4 – legalism is subtle yet has devastating consequences, “Yet because of false brothers secretly brought in — who slipped in to spy out our freedom that we have in Christ Jesus, so that they might bring us into slavery”
• V.5 – legalism should be adamantly and diligently resisted, without compromise, not only for our own sake but for the sake of those who come after us, “to them we did not yield in submission even for a moment, so that the truth of the gospel might be preserved for you.”
• V. 11 – at times it is necessary to vehemently oppose those who propagate legalism (Paul’s opposition of Peter)
• V. 13 – legalism causes one to separate himself and act hypocritically
• V. 13 – legalism causes others to be led astray
• V. 14 – legalism causes people to feel forced  or compelled to live like the one propagating legalism
• V. 16 – by works of the law (legalism) no one will be justified. Legalism offers a false sense of spiritual security.
• V. 18 -  if one tries to build what they have torn down (gain acceptance through works, legalism) they prove to be a transgressor (one who turns from Christ back to the law,… legalism)
• V. 21 – the practice of legalism nullifies the grace of God
• V. 21 – the teaching and practice of legalism suggests Christ died for nothing

Chapter 3

• V. 1 – teaching and practicing legalism is foolish
• V. 1 – teaching and practicing legalism causes one to be bewitched
• V. 2 – teaching and practicing legalism causes one to be confused as to how they received the Spirit (were born again) … by works of the law or by hearing with faith?
• V. 3 – it is foolish to believe we are perfected by the flesh (practice legalism)
• V. 5 – teaching and practicing legalism causes confusion as to the supply of the Spirit and the working of miracles
• V. 10 – Those who teach and practice legalism are under a curse. For all who rely on works of the law are under a curse
• V. 11 – The practice of legalism deceives one to believe they are justified and accepted by God because of who they are and what they do, no one is justified before God by the law
• V. 13 – the teaching and practice of legalism (attempting to be justified by the law and ongoingly accepted by God) is associated with being cursed, Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us
• V. 18 – legalism says, our inheritance comes by the law (our own effort), rather than God’s promise (His doing)
• V. 21 – legalism says, practicing the law (doing good works) brings one the life of Christ rather than, accepting and believing in the promise of God (the provision and work of Christ our savior) as a means to life
• V. 22 – the promise of God comes by faith, not by works (legalism)
• V. 23 – legalism holds one captive, imprisoned, and under a guardian

Chapter 4

• V. 1 – being under law (legalism) is associated with being a slave
• V. 2 – legalism is associated with guardians and managers
• V. 3 – legalism is associated with being enslaved
• V. 7 – legalism attempts to convince one he/she is a slave rather than a son/daughter of God and an heir with Christ
• V. 9 – legalism compels the Believer to turn back again to the weak and worthless elementary principles of the world (legalism), and become slaves again

Note: This verse indicates that legalism is not solely confined to the aspect of justification (salvation) but also refers to one who is already justified turning back to legalism as a way of practicing his/her Christianity (sanctification)

• V. 15 – the teaching and practice of legalism causes one to minimize and forget the amazing blessing of the true gospel
• V. 16 – the practice of legalism causes one to despise those who teach and preach an authentic gospel and instead, believe they have become one’s enemy by telling you the truth
• V. 17 – those who teach and practice legalism tend to make much of you (compliment and patronize but for wrong motives and purposes)
• V. 20 – Observing fellow Believers practicing legalism is perplexing, “I am perplexed about you”

Hope you enjoy finishing up the study. May God bless you,

Bob Dixon

Below, you will find that process reflected in the chronological order in which it usually occurs. The words and phrases in quotations are actual descriptions from real clients who find themselves at various stages of recovery.

As a result of these counseling interactions, I am becoming increasingly convinced that most individuals coming out of spiritually abusive organizations are in need of “deprogramming”, or in biblical language, having their mind renewed, particularly regarding the dynamics and consequences of having been deceived. Admitting to one’s self, they have fallen prey to having been deceived by those they trusted is one of the most pivotal junctions in recovery.

Wherever you may find yourself in this process, I encourage you to continue to work your way through each step until you are able to enjoy the freedom, grace, and love we have in Christ, once again. Professional counselors are becoming increasingly aware of the various components and consequences of spiritual abuse and are eager to help.

To that end, I am working on an 8-10 step Recovery Workshop that can be done in a group format over the course of a weekend. Please pray the Lord will continue to give me wisdom and insight as this material develops.

God loves you and remains constant and true as the Good Shepherd of your life.

Your brother in Christ, Bob Dixon

The Process to Healing

1. Questioning, uncertainty, confusion, disillusionment, feeling like you are “going crazy”, “losing my mind”, “unsure of my decisions”, “disillusionment”
2. Searching for answers, suspicion, fear, anxiety, worry, paranoia, isolation, afraid to open up or talk to others, sense of “living in a fog”
3. Discovery, epiphany, realization, having an “ah-ha moment”, heightened spiritual awareness, begin to put “feelers” out (who can I talk to?), looking for affirmation regarding your new perspective, loss of relational connection with leaders and others, loss of confidence and trust regarding spiritual integrity and competency of leaders, experiencing a loss of friendships which are now being defined by loyalty to certain people/ideologies/group think.
4. Anger, resentment, betrayal, bitterness, rage, retreat, lack of trust, withdrawal, isolation, increased experiences of shunning and ostracism by others, perceived by others as a traitor, disloyal, gossip and/or slanderer, perceived by others as deceived, “poisoned”, “divisive”, “being misled”
5. Feelings of hurt, pain, devastation, harm, having been abused, taken advantage of, marginalized, used, violated, regret, bearing the burdens of family members, grieving, loss, depression, suicidal ideation, confusion in formulating a plan for both the immediate and mid/long-term future.
6. Depression, hopelessness, panic, anxiety, difficulty accepting responsibility for allowing oneself to be deceived, tempted to blame others, denial, insecurity, angry at self
7. Resentment, anger, bitterness, rage, feelings of being duped, misled, feeling stuck
8. Pursuit of healing and resolution, need for closure, need to rid self of anger, bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness; begin to attend different churches, begin to renew the mind, begin to broaden the Christian experience, seek professional counseling, renewed hunger for God’s word
9. Begin to consider confronting perpetrators (Take along a mediator or counselor. Do not go alone.); begin to consider extending unilateral forgiveness, applying the love of God to the situation, begin to draft an exit letter, formally leave church
10. Healing, increased sense of freedom, fruits of extending forgiveness, feeling released , closure, resolution, renewed vision and goals, increased confidence and security in Christ, able to comfort others with the comfort you have received from Christ, able to understand and articulate exactly what happened, why it happened, and how to prevent it from happening again.

Listed below are some of the negative beliefs, paradigms, and/or repercussions people typically experience and ascribe to as a result of being exposed to spiritually abusive church leaders and cultures:

• Critical spirit
• Self righteous
• Legalistic
• Judgmental
• Isolation (socially, spiritually)
• Hyper vigilant about sin
• Sacrifice relationship(s) for function
• Relationships become utilitarian
• Over emphasis on commitment to church vs. Christ
• Obsessive about correcting others
• Counterfeit grace
• Spiritual emasculation of males (men become passive, cowardice, afraid to stand up for principles, peace at any cost)
• Inaccurate view of how God relates to you as an individual
• Psychological/Spiritually damaged children, marriage, and friendships
• Wondering if I wasted my life

I personally believe that it is the misunderstanding and misapplication of authority that is the primary culprit in the shipwreck of many individual’s faith…… not polity. One’s understanding of authority informs whatever polity may result, not the other way around. I plan on writing about this more in the future because it is so fundamentally important to understand if one is to recover from spiritual abuse. Whenever I counsel people who are attempting to recover from abusive church experiences, this is where we start. It is the cornerstone in building toward recovery, as well as remaining free in Christ.

Three powerful resources of intervention in this regard have been: 1) a careful and slow read of the book of Galatians, 2) chapters 4, 5, and 6 of Jonathan Leeman’s book, The Church and the Surprising Offense of God’s Love, and 3) a careful consideration of chapter 9 in Jerry Bridge’s book, Transforming Grace.

The parallels of legalism portrayed in Galatians are uncanny in how closely they resemble many of the experiences of those exposed to legalism and spiritual abuse in some churches today. One of the important realizations that became very clear in reading the book of Galatians was how it is possible to begin well, regarding the gospel, but end in catastrophe. Galatians answers the question, “What happened? We started off well! I don’t understand what went wrong.” I pray and trust God will speak to you as you read and consider the books mentioned above, as well as the great letter to the Galatians, written by the Apostle Paul, passionately contending for the freedom of the saints.

Please continue to pray for wisdom, strength, and discernment as God continues to heal those devastated by spiritual abuse. It is amazing to see how the Lord remains mighty and faithful to break long standing bondage and pain by the Word of His power. Many are realizing freedom as they return to Jesus, their first love. He truly is the balm of Gilead and the salve we so desperately need.

May God bless you and keep you…. and make His face to shine upon you.

Your brother in Christ, Bob Dixon

First I want to thank everyone for praying. God continues to bring healing and restoration to hurting and disillusioned souls. One particular issue resulting from exposure to spiritual abuse that seems to be common, without exception, is depression, ranging from mild to having to be hospitalized. As we have drilled down on the root cause of depression, with respect to spiritual abuse, what we’ve found, in every case, is that the depression is rooted in having been exposed to legalism and a performance based relationship toward God and others. The pervasive feeling of not being able to “measure up”, and being more sin conscience than grace and mercy conscience, has often resulted in a general pall over the lives of many a saint. Often, these same individuals are prone to falling into the trap of the “fear of man” and man pleasing”. Usually, the individual presenting with depression is confused regarding the nature and character of God and feels nothing they do is sufficient in gaining a sense of pleasure and acceptance regarding who they are as a child of God. There have been at least three cases that I am aware of where individuals experiencing depression have been immediately relieved of their symptoms by simply ceasing to attend the abusive organization where the abuse occurred.

Another interesting phenomenon common with those experiencing depression is the feeling of having been controlled, manipulated or lorded over by another, usually someone perceived as a spiritual leader. This, by extension, has often resulted in a perverted and skewed perspective of God, where God has been assigned character qualities that are not in keeping with His nature, such as that of a hard task master, never satisfied, more concerned about what you do verses who you are in Christ, placing function and performance above relationship, and replacing unconditional love with conditional affection and acceptance. Often this has had a trickledown effect in how parents train their children and, in many cases, produced angry and exasperated children/teens, which eventually evolves into rebellion.

Additionally, several teens have presented with various types of eating disorders (anorexia and bulimia). Left unchecked, these disorders can become extremely problematic. If you see or suspect any peculiarities/changes/obsessions in your teen’s perspective regarding their physique or behavior related to food/eating please make an attempt to discuss these issues with your teen and if necessary seek help from a professional counselor. Often the root issue concerning eating disorders has to do with a desperate/obsessive need to regain or maintain control of one’s life. This is very interesting with regard to spiritually abusive organizations (churches), in that the fundamental and pervasive goal of these types of organizations is often, to ultimately control or have unauthorized authority over another individual. In my opinion, one of the first and most important interventions a parent can do for their child/teen is to remove them from these types of organizations.

Book recommendations this month: Book of Colossians (Bible); Hurt People Hurt People and Released from Shame, both by Sandra D. Wilson.

Thanks again for your prayers and donations!

By His Grace,

Bob Dixon